As you all know, I am fairly open-minded when it comes to sex. I think sex is a wonderful perk that comes with being alive and that most of the things that turn us on are pretty mysterious and fascinating. Aside from the gruesome and those involving non-consent, I am very understanding, even if it's something that doesn't strike my fancy.
That said, I still have times where I think ... "Am I a bad person for thinking like this?" or, most likely, "Am I a bad woman for thinking like this?" In the lovely "madonna/whore" society I grew up in, nice girls don't go around spanking men and putting things in their butts (see Strap-on Salon in the LINKS section.) I even have trouble dating more than one man at a time. Some swinger, huh?
But the truth is, it does bother me at times. Mostly when I'm in the company of a man who I suspect would think I was not such a nice girl for loving what I love to do. When I feel the "morality police" breathing down my neck, I must admit it's hard not to wonder.
But then I imagine the alternative.
EWWWWW! BOOOOR-ING.
That's when I am reminded why I think the way I do and how much more fun life and sex is because it's in my life. ESPECIALLY as time goes on. I can't imagine how vanilla couples stay interested in the old "in and out" after decades of it. It boggles my mind.
I just spent the week with a very dear vanilla couple who has no idea of my intimate predelictions and I have to tell ya ... it was a real snooze. Even when the gal and I had our obligatory "girl talk" it was sooo vanilla. Although, once at the table when we were hanging out doing a crossword puzzle, her hubby yelled out, "Well, you could SPANK me." And she just laughed, in that way that non-spankos do when the subject comes up and went on chatting.
I know that you guys wrestle with the "morality" of it all when it comes to approaching a vanilla mate, but do you ever feel that way even withIN a spanking relationship? Like, "Oh, we are sooo bad?"
OR, do you have judgements about a woman who loves spanking you? Oh, I know you LOVE it, but do you think just a little bit less of her because she's not a "nice" girl?
And Ladies, do you ever have such thoughts about yourself?
As always, I am curious to know what you all think and feel about this. What's your take on it?
Miss F
Although less so than it used to be, there's still a sense in the mainstream mindset that equates interest in kinky sex play with moral turpitude. You know, if you like spanking, you must be the kind who'd do anything with anyone at any time, and you probably pick pockets and jaywalk too. This stereotype is worse for women, as you noted, because of the traditional view that "boys will be boys" when they sample some of the spice of life, but girls are fallen hussies if they do the same.
ReplyDeleteIn my own case, I'm half of a loving vanilla marriage, much as the one you described. And I also have a wonderful lady friend who, like me, is a closeted lifetime spanko. We occasionally indulge our shared interest (her as spanker, me as spankee), but don't go beyond that level of physical intimacy.
Do I think less of my friend because she is into spanking? Not for a minute. She is one of the kindest, most ethical people I know. She is a "nice" girl in every way I could think of.
Do I think less of myself because I'm into spanking? No, although I certainly feel conflicted at times about having a part of my mind and my life that I keep hidden from my vanilla Mrs.
My Dear Miss Francy, Since I started spanking my Jackie our relationship has totally changed for the better. I certainly don't have any remorseful feelings about myself that I am a bad person for putting him over my knee and warming his bottom good. I have also discovered a naughty boy hiding inside Jackie that needs disciplined and truly makes him feel better. He is much more content, especially after a session with my hairbrush.
ReplyDeleteI had to take his mother to the store the other day since she doesn't drive and in our conversation I said how he can act like a naughty child who needs a good spanking. She then told me she had spanked him on a regular basis when he was growing up thru his teenage years and that he was probably overdue. She then laughed and we dropped the conversation.
Well I am getting long winded but I not changing and don't feel bad about it. Donna
Ms Francy,
ReplyDeleteAre you kidding? I wouldn't trade what I have for anything.
I was first introduced to spanking boys when I was in college. Some of us sorority girls were asked to help initiate fraternity pledges for a fraternity by spanking them. I've always been a very attractive tomboy type. That's when I discovered my dominant tendencies and that there were submissive men. But that's another story.
We have practically no competition. There are zillions of submissive men out there and very few of us who will discipline them. I got pretty good at spotting submissive men. The real submissive ones don't act that way in public. But after a conversation with them I can usually tell if they are potentially submissive to women. This gives us the advantage of finding the ideal boyfriend.
My current boyfriend is a very successful trial lawyer. He is very aggresive in his profession, but when he comes home he becomes my little boy.
It has enabled me to break some of his bad habits like:
Failing to call me for permission when he is going to work late or go out for drinks after work with clients or friends,
Ever using profanity in my presence,
Telling raunchy jokes in mixed company,
Procrastination.(This is the hardest one to break but we have made progress.)
My spankings are always disciplinary. I think that's why I've always had success with them. But when we do make love it's usually at my initiation and under my direction. Bob has come to love it and he gets hardons you wouldn't believe. He'll do almost anything to please me. He's told me that when he orgasms they are the most intense he's ever had. Mine are intense, also.
I get to make all the decisions but I'll ask his opinion sometimes. But the final decision is always mine.
What woman would not want that power. But Bob is no wimp. He'd protect me against anything.
My discipline always consists of judicious mouthwashing, judicious face slapping, naked corner time and spanking. Sometimes I make him walk around the house naked to please me.
I've read where some of you make him wear girl's panties. I've never done that. What does it do to him, do for you. Why do you do it?
Well, Ive rambled enough.
Barb
Oh Barb,
ReplyDeleteYou MUST tell us about your Sorority Days!!!! That's a scenario I hadn't thought of! Hmmmm .... maybe you'll inspire me to write a story!
Miss F
I do understand how much and how often our special interest in spanking is somehow intruded upon by a cultural construct of some sort.
ReplyDeleteI believe that spanking between consentual and loving partners is an intimate sexual act. I also believe that a higher power made human beings and is pleased when we delight one another and bring pleasure each to the other. Pleasurable activity includes spanking.
So this whole business about badness and guilt, that is just a byproduct of some powerful apects of a selfish culture wanting to undermine what is inherently good.
A loving adult female, dressed and prepared to spank her SO, due to both of their commitments to please one another, is a beautiful thing to behold.
jm
Well I'm comming from the understanding of having childhood "influences" for my spanking needs. I did feel shameful and dirty with my fantasys most of my life. When the mass media of the internet openned up my world it took away some painful guilt. I'm won't go back to just vanilla even though a large majority of society condems kinks. The pro help advice I've received has told me I've lived my life with my fetish most of my life. For that reason I've been told I'll be a happier person enjoying it than loathing myself with self-hatred over it. I'm thankful my vanilla wife is listening to the professioal advice I've been given and starting to understand I'm not a whole person without it! I can't believe my God who created me would wish me to hate myself the rest of my life? Yes, I like the anal sex play. And with the help of reading a womans domination book my wife tried the pantie thing on me. It's so strange. It's amazing the power of that female article of clothing holds over me. A strong physical symbol of a woman's power over me which makes me feel submissive to them. It's very mysterious but submissive emotions are so unique I'd never trade them for a single vanilla one.
ReplyDeleteMiss Francy, You are a Great Person!!!!
ReplyDeleteYou need to find a mate that shares your kink! I can understand how you would feel with a fellow you like, and you just don't know if he'd be happy or disgusted if he found out that you want to spank him, let alone, do him from the rear with a strap on.
But once you find that special someone I think those feelings of guilt will go away. And if they don't you can always switch. Let him take you by the ear, strip you down, put you over his knee and tan your little hiney until you cry away all of your guilt. That's one of the things a real spanking will do. Wash away the guilt.
Seriously though, I don't think that there is any hint of guilt in spanking and related activities between consenting adults! Good Luck! Thanks for the Great Blog!
Take me by the ear and strip me down???? I don't THINK so! I don't mind a little OTK once in awhile but with a tad more decorum. Lol! But I agree, a mate with like-minded tastes is a must at this point in time.
ReplyDeleteThank you all for your insight and advice. Keep 'em coming!
Miss F
As I grew up I was always impressesd by how considerate and thoughtful my Dad was when
ReplyDeleteit came to mom. When I came home from college
in my senior year a bit earlier than expected I
walked into the kitchen and saw my Dad bent over
the table, his slacks around his ankles and mom
was taking a paddle to his ass.
After I recovered from the shock my mom came to my room and explained that it was how they dealt
with problems. Mom said and she was so right that all men are boys and they need the firm hand
and guidance of the woman in their life. As a boy it was their mom as an adult it is the wife.
I am happy to say my husband is also a man who
is spanked. He himself attributes the success of our 14 years of marriage is due to my delivery of
domestic discipline as needed.
Nothing bad about You, Miss Francy. A woman among women who
ReplyDeleteays and does what she wants!
humbly
Being one who does not really have a definitive start to my desires I found it so very hard to try and express these desires with the women I dated for years. My fears were what they would think about my desires, and how much of a "freak" I might be considered if I were to open up completely. Society has pushed us into thinking there should be one way, and only one way that could possibly be considered heterosexual and normal. We, as spankos fight with this for some time until we come to terms within ourselves. The funny thing about that for me, was once I found someone I could open up with, and found her willing to accept it, I found myself even more afraid to be completely honest with her than if we just "tested" the waters and played lightly. Is there a trick to "come out?" From what I have found, no. But what I am learning everyday is stay true and go slow. When you do find someone who is willing to try, then give them the space. As much as you would want to dive into the hope they accept quickly, allow them to find the benefit to the relationship. I thank you all so much for the avenues you provide for people like us to explore and find comfort.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your response. I've presently asked my wife to discipline me. It took me forever to ask her and she definitely could see how difficult it was for me to ask.
DeleteShe was a bit surprised but said she would because she loved me. She has not started yet because is concerned she will mark my behind and if I get the virus than someone will find out and she would be charged with spousal abuse. I have tried to explain this wouldn't happen as I also love her and definitely say it was self inflicted. I have also explained the behind heals quickly. She still insist on waiting.
I was about to approach her about it again , thinking her prior reasons were more an excuse, but in reading your response I realize I have to give her time and not push.
I am extremely happy she has agreed and curb my impatience. I know because she has agreed it will happen as she was not put off by the request. I will give her the space and time, and purchase the books for her and I!!
Dear Aunt Francy
ReplyDeleteMorality, Smoality...... If I have learned anything in my fifty years on this planet it's this.
Life is short. And if you don't ask for it, you probably won't get it. I was lucky enough to have the spanking bug in me since birth and I have been courageous enough to pursue as a youngster. Getting cousins to spank me, I would even be naughty when I had a babysit er who I knew would spank me if I was naughty.
The point is once you know who you are and what you need it is up to you to make the best life for yourself you can. It's does not usually happen by accident. It is fine for all of us to live with different needs and desires and be able to get along and understand that we are not all the same. As long as the partners we connect with are a good match, even if it doe not last until death due us part, I say live and let live.
I tell people my life is an open book all they have to do is ask and I will turn the page. And if it is a chapter they do not approve of, well then ether turn the page again or close the book ad walk away from it. If a woman spanks, I love it, but I can be good friends with a woman who does not spank just as well. It's just a special treat when all the right chemistry fall in place.
Spank Me until the day I die. I live for it, I pray and even pay for it. And God Bless the special women out there that will give guy's like me the greatest gift of all. The wonderful trip across their knee with our pants and shorts dangling around our feet as they roll up there sleeves while scolding us and prepare to deliver a sound spanking that so many of us want and need to keep us happy and healthy.
Chris AKA Spanky
i would love for her to spank me but it hard to find someone who will I live in Waterbury ct
ReplyDeleteMy wife is vanilla but she has learned to be a spanker just for sexual purposes only. One day I just said "Can you spank me" and she did and I have never looked back. Sometimes I do think I have been made strange but I think most people can feel this for any reason especially to do with sex. The main tension is to resist hogging it all so I make a very special effort to arouse her. She told me one day that she is not comfortable with oral sex but in the same breath that she is comfortable with spanking. I thought in my mind that I am very very happy with that
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ReplyDelete